Madmutt’s Blog

Two issues have been dominating my thoughts lately; religion and sex. An interesting combination. I have believed in the Christian faith for all but 16 of my 41 years. I have believed for more years than I have not. However, over recent months, I have come to a point where I don’t know what I believe any more. These thoughts came to a head whilst reading Richard Dawkins’ book, “The God Delusion”. I am not sure I could ever take a atheist position as in my mind it takes just as much faith to not believe in God as to believe in him. But, there are tenets of the evangelical Christian faith that I used to believe that now do not make any sense to me whatever. In fact I now believe that these tenets are positively dangerous! Take the whole gay issue for example, I now cannot understand why I used to believe that homosexual practice was a sin and used to try and separate same sex attraction and sexual activity. Arguing that whilst homosexual orientation wasn’t a sin but acting on it was. How ridiculous! All this belief achieved was depression, anxiety and guilt. The stuff that kills life rather than affirms it.

When I look at activities of the established churches as well their inane pronouncements on homosexuality, I feel faith dying within me. They do not inspire faith they kill it. But something within me refuses to die. I find I cannot, at this moment, take the position, “There is no God”. Evolution, for me, does not explain how this world came into being and developed. Most things in this world move from order to chaos if they are left alone. With evolution the world is moving from chaos to highly developed order and beauty, albeit over a much longer time-scale. On the other hand, I cannot believe the claims of the creationists that the world is only about six to fourteen thousand years old and that God created the world in six 24 hour days. However, I find the certainty with which atheists state that there is no God, positively ridiculous. How can they know for certain that God does not exist any more than religious people know that God does exist. They could both equally be wrong as there is no proof either way. God may or may not exist, we cannot know for sure at this point in time. Belief in whether or not he/she exists is a matter of faith, nothing more, nothing less! Therefore, for atheists to believe there is no God is a question of belief and not logic, which undermines their claims to be supreme rationalists, basing their assertions on science and logic.

Where does that leave me? At worst, it leaves me taking an agnostic position and at best, a position of faith in God. It is interesting that I haven’t said, “at best an atheist position”. So there is a glimmer of faith in me after all!